No Way

Noah and Jonah both adore one of the staff members at their school. Lauren works a later shift, so while I'm at work and after many of their classmates have gone home, Noah and Jonah are in Lauren's (and Heidi's) expert care. And although the "school day" ends at 3-ish, kids learn a lot regardless of the hour. Jonah is a case in point.

Noah loves Lauren because she takes time to listen and reacts to his comments in a way that makes him feel important. The other day, as I was getting the boys' stuff together at the end of the day, Jonah was sitting in Lauren's lap when Noah went over to her to tell her something that, to him, was clearly very important.

"Lauren, do you know what?" Noah asked.

"No, what?"

"The Denver Broncos lost their championship, and the Pittsburgh Steelers won theirs, so the Steelers are going to the Super Bowl!" Noah said rather haltingly yet extremely excitedly.

"No way!" Lauren replied.

Immediately, Jonah piped up. "Noaaay!"

Apparently he'd never said that before. But he was happy to repeat it. "No way!" I said.

"Noaaay!" he said again in his hoarse soprano.

He's now been saying "No way" for about a week now, when prompted. Most amusingly, Noah will now sometimes say to Jonah, "Way!" and Jonah knows to respond, "Noaaay!" So, of course, Noah will repeat, "Way!" And suddenly I feel like I'm on the set of some very early prequel to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Ah, life with boys...

Preschool Humor

"What do you say to a swiper?" Noah asked us one day when he had the sniffles.
"No swiping!"

Get it? Nose wiping? OK, he maybe not ready for Leno, but we thought it was rather clever. Apparently, however, it's from a Dora the Explorer CD or book he's seen at school. Clever, but not original.

Likewise, what do you get when you cross a chili pepper and Clifford? A hot diggity dog.

More amusing, though perhaps not surprising, is that Noah often feels the need to explain jokes (my guess is that they had to be explained to him, and so he's internalized the explanation as part of the punch line). For example, what time is it when Clifford jumps on your bed?

"Time to get a new bed. Because Clifford is big, and when he jumps on your bed, he will break it."

Loses a bit in that particular retelling.

All that said, our favorite brand of preschool humor is the kind that is completely unscripted and unintentional.

The other day, Noah asked why Jonah was wearing a new pair of shoes.

"Because he's grown, and his old shoes no longer fit," we said.

"That is right. He grew and he grew and he grew, and his shoes are too small. All the parts of him grew. His feet grew and his hands grew. But not his vitreous humor."

What? we asked.

"His eyes are still the same size."

Indeed. You know, I'm guessing the vitreous humor isn't normally the stuff of preschool jokes, but it certainly made us laugh.

Sandy Acres

An oldies radio station Adam and I used to listen to in D.C. used to have this ad in which people were singing along with their favorite songs, but they didn't quite get the lyrics right. For example, that old Beatles classic, "She's got a tick in her eye, and she don't care." ("Friends" fans may also recall Phoebe singing the Elton John classic, "Hold me close, young Tony Danza.")

Well, Noah has his share of misinterpretations of words as well as lyrics. The lyrics (mostly Christmas and Hanukkah classics) are too difficult to transcribe, but the comic strip One Big Happy had a recent Sunday funny that came really close. Most often, though, his Noahisms are normal words that just got processed a little differently in his brain. For example, when we were in California over the holidays, he was really excited to see the pandas at the Sandy Acres Zoo.

Earlier, in November, I was driving him and Jonah to school and he noticed some trees had leaves while others didn't. His comment: "The trees that have leaves are called evergreen trees. The others are Jewish."

Huh?

"Who told you that, Noah?"

"Grandma Rebecca."

"Um, Noah, I think you mean the trees that don't have leaves are ... deciduous."

"Yeah. Deecijewish."

Of course, Adam could tell you stories of the various lyrics I've misinterpreted, so I really shouldn't be talking, but I thought you'd be amused. Happy new year!